lifestyle,
I have had quite a turbulent relationship with a former best friend of mine, we were friends for 13 years, thats a long time, but recently things got to much and I just couldn't be friends anymore. For years, I have made excuses and gone back to her because she was like my sister, but I think sometimes you need to know when enough is enough, maybe when the police was called on me in sixth form it was time to call it a day, but sometimes the excuses run out and theres nothing left to give, everyone keeps telling me I am a good person, I have forgiven so many times and Im not sitting here making out I'm all innocent, because I am not, I can get very nasty when needed, especially when its with my family, but when is enough, enough? Thats the tricky question I'm asking myself today, because I know I am a good person, but when can you say, there is nothing more left to give. When your sitting in front of someone and you don't recognise them, when you feel sad in your stomach because there is an awkward silence, of what once would be filled with chatter and laughter, because your scared you will say something out of line, maybe that is the signal to walk away, but the biggest indicator to know when to walk away, is when you look at them and you don't recognise them, when you sit there and think the person I once knew wouldn't of done or said that, you realise they too grew and changed and you got lost in the memories and the deathly shadows of 'what used to be.'
Me and my former best friend, went through things many people couldn't begin to dream could happen in life, let alone happen to them, we had a special bond, because we saw tragedy, heart-ache, anger and sorrow, but we battled it together, then the question became for me, how do you walk away from a sister, a sister who was your other half? I know this much,I don't regret being friends for as long as we we're, the memories I have will always be held in the highest regard and I don't hate her but I know when's the right time to move on.
All my life I have been forgiving people who doesn't deserve it and people have warned me and seen through everything good I say, but it is my fault I am here today, so I fully acknowledge my blame, but how do you say goodbye to someone who isn't dead? It's worse then breaking up with a guy, because you loose your sister, but I guess you draw the line and say enough is enough, I have grown as a person and I have changed, I'm facing a daily battle with myself, its silent and no one see's it because I don't let people by choice, but I have an amazing family, amazing friends who are positive reinforcements in my life and the dedication to the future career I want to pursue and they remind me of why I go strong, they are the people I want in my life. At university, I have some of the most amazing group of friends, they support me and It's them I want in my life. I want people who let me be myself, who let's me grow, supports me, who has the same interest and goals, the same wit and determination, these people are factors that keep me going.
Friendships
Over the past few day, I've been doing a lot of thinking about friendships and some of the people in my life. Since starting university I have changed as a person, some may say for the better but some may say they don't recognise me, maybe its because I've found style, I get fashion and make-up and i like mixing life up. But, while I may have changed aesthetically, inside I remain the same person, but this has made me evaluate the people in my life.I have had quite a turbulent relationship with a former best friend of mine, we were friends for 13 years, thats a long time, but recently things got to much and I just couldn't be friends anymore. For years, I have made excuses and gone back to her because she was like my sister, but I think sometimes you need to know when enough is enough, maybe when the police was called on me in sixth form it was time to call it a day, but sometimes the excuses run out and theres nothing left to give, everyone keeps telling me I am a good person, I have forgiven so many times and Im not sitting here making out I'm all innocent, because I am not, I can get very nasty when needed, especially when its with my family, but when is enough, enough? Thats the tricky question I'm asking myself today, because I know I am a good person, but when can you say, there is nothing more left to give. When your sitting in front of someone and you don't recognise them, when you feel sad in your stomach because there is an awkward silence, of what once would be filled with chatter and laughter, because your scared you will say something out of line, maybe that is the signal to walk away, but the biggest indicator to know when to walk away, is when you look at them and you don't recognise them, when you sit there and think the person I once knew wouldn't of done or said that, you realise they too grew and changed and you got lost in the memories and the deathly shadows of 'what used to be.'
Me and my former best friend, went through things many people couldn't begin to dream could happen in life, let alone happen to them, we had a special bond, because we saw tragedy, heart-ache, anger and sorrow, but we battled it together, then the question became for me, how do you walk away from a sister, a sister who was your other half? I know this much,I don't regret being friends for as long as we we're, the memories I have will always be held in the highest regard and I don't hate her but I know when's the right time to move on.
All my life I have been forgiving people who doesn't deserve it and people have warned me and seen through everything good I say, but it is my fault I am here today, so I fully acknowledge my blame, but how do you say goodbye to someone who isn't dead? It's worse then breaking up with a guy, because you loose your sister, but I guess you draw the line and say enough is enough, I have grown as a person and I have changed, I'm facing a daily battle with myself, its silent and no one see's it because I don't let people by choice, but I have an amazing family, amazing friends who are positive reinforcements in my life and the dedication to the future career I want to pursue and they remind me of why I go strong, they are the people I want in my life. At university, I have some of the most amazing group of friends, they support me and It's them I want in my life. I want people who let me be myself, who let's me grow, supports me, who has the same interest and goals, the same wit and determination, these people are factors that keep me going.
With social media it makes life ten times harder, but I wouldn't be without it. So this is how I'm getting over it, 21st century style, you block the person, you ignore all possible contact, you remove any media, such as photos that can make you sentimental, you delete text messages and you treat it as a break up from them, because it is, but its been a slow one.
I have woken up and I have smelt the coffee and now, I'm awake from the spell, now I realise the friendship is over, I can remember that I have my true friends in my life that deserve to be here, I have people, who although they may not be my other half, they can certainly be that when needed, it isn't about who you have known the longest, but it's about who came and never left!
So here's to the future.
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| This I am a firm believer off. |